The Guadalupe River was trickling along as Dan Ricci had to drag his daughter's inner tube over a shallow rock. When they got over, Ricci and 10-year-old Crista got back in their rubber tubes and slowly floated with the river just downstream from the Canyon Dam.

Families like the Ricci's don't seem to mind the unseasonably slow flow of the upper part of the Guadalupe River, where every week thousands of tourists and locals go tubing. The slow water, tubers said, is an easier ride for young children and first-timers.

Record low rainfall since October has left most of Texas in an exceptional drought, and popular tubing spots such as the lower Guadalupe River have seen a drop in business because of the slow-moving river. Meanwhile, spring-fed rivers such as the Comal and San Marcos rivers are being overrun on weekends as people flock to them for a more exciting float. Spring-fed rivers are less dependent on rain as springs draw water from the underground aquifer.

I can’t understand people that don’t like feet or have  a phobia of them. They’re pretty important things feet. Imagine not having any. You’d fall over all the time for a start. Buying shoes would be a waste of time. Measuring things would be difficult. And for men, no one would know how to make inappropriate assumptions about your penis size. See? Feet are brilliant. They also rhyme with wheat, treat, beat and street, so if you don’t like them you’re probably odd.

I love my feet. Its not often people harp on about their feet but as a diabetic I have to get them checked a lot because apparently they can fall off or explode or something if you don’t look after them. I never really look after mine but they have done pretty well by themselves over the years. They’ve trodden on lots of sharp things like rocks and bees, walked me all over the world, did a little bit of damage to people during kick boxing and I can use the right one to pick things up off the floor. Yes I can. Not many things mind you. And not when I’m drunk. I have also danced on them a lot and despite them easily comprehending the sideways moonwalk, the backwards one still evades them. Idiots....

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I've a horrible feeling that this week is going to drag ...... The REASON ? Lou is away with his Mum and Dad on holiday to Majorca - or, as he corrected me last Wednesday while in the supermarket ... No Nana, we're going to ' Santa Ponsa '! I only hope that on this holiday he doesn't have any health problems like happened last year. I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. On the day before my colonoscopy,...

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